COCOACHiC Beauty | Bernie on Beauty

Cocoa Chics, you've been served! Thanks for the e-mails to hear more of my recommendations and advice on beauty, style and empowerment. So here it is, Bernie on Beauty, my off-the-cuff thoughts on what to use and what's not to lose. I appreciate your continued support to keep the "chocolate" movement alive.

Confident, conscious, sophisticated, sexy, urban, diverse, real beauty — c'est COCOACHiC!

MySpace — pics with movement makers & shakers
Editor's Letter — how, why now & the wow of the "chocolate" movement
Honey Magazine — flashback, the movement before the making

My Big Fat Gripe with Tyler Perry, Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence
February 27th 2008

Conspiracy theory or not: It’s an issue that multiple series are produced portraying the main Black woman character as obnoxiously obese, loudmouth, and crass. Even more disturbing is that these roles of “Medea”, “Rasputia”, and “Big Momma” are played by leading A-list black men Tyler Perry, Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence. This image has become so pervasive that in the “Wifely Duties” chain forward circulating the Internet on why not to marry black women, the “Medea” caricature was used. When did the cultural perception of Black women representing strength and nurturing morph into them not knowing how to be wifely, dutiful, embraceable, feminine or attractive? The personas created by Perry, Murphy and Lawrence may have had comedic intent, but they demean and cast a negative image on modern day Black women. It may not be that serious and why knock someone’s hustle and meal ticket, but how many of these movies are possibly needed when there are few positive depictions of women of color in media and with so few influencers, why is this the voice of choice from these men of color in decision-making positions…then again, what sociopolitical statement of emasculation is being made when Black male power players have to wear a dress. Please stop the continued proliferation of this stereotypical Black matriarch – it discounts the beauty and diversity of today’s women of color, particularly mothers. Many of us are more than a woman, not nobody’s mammy.

Getting ready by applying makeup or to be in a relationship bear a liking – both require a foundation and sizing up yourself for a good match. There’s a link to beauty on the outside and inside in every aspect of life.  Check out my latest tips on a “makeover” for love at the link below and of course feel free to post your comments.

My beauty philosophy and that of COCOACHiC is that beauty begins within. Awesome products enhance a positive, beautiful spirit, but that's still only one part of the equation. Beauty is in your living environment, what you eat and how you relate to others. Love is a thing of beauty and I will have a few feature blog postings on dating advice for Dr. Caroline, author of "Profiling Your Date: A Smart Woman's Guide to Evaluating a Man"—the definitive woman's guide for applying psychotherapists' tricks of the trade to dating and relationships.  Check it out and of course feel free to post your comments.

Gabby grabbed attention in a Vibe interview with her opinion for Black Bloggers not to publish non-fact checked information, but her response lacked substance, balance and needed a call to action (To read full article, visit http://www.cocoachic.com/press/gabrielleunion.pdf). Actress Gabrielle Union asserts that Black bloggers tend to feature overly negative stories on Black celebrities. She goes further to say that Perez Hilton, a Latino and a man of color, sets the example by not bashing Latino celebrities, even if he does spread gossip about everyone else. While maybe not intended by Union, she overlooked well-meaning Black-run outlets and the other factors at play. This point of view exacerbates an issue by pointing a finger back without looking at all sides or presenting a solid solution. Union could have offered more in terms of addressing the question asked by providing references or suggestions on how to approach Black celebrities for positive news. Controversial news and bad PR tends to draw more eyeballs and in Hollywood, it’s a belief and practice that bad PR is still PR. There are certainly instances where publicists purposely put out certain misinformation, with the celebrity’s agreement, to generate buzz. Gossip in general is negative and even so it is a lucrative business that keeps a celebrity’s name on the lips of people for the day, therefore, everyone benefits: the bloggers and media, both Black and mainstream, that go live with a headline and story that interests readers and viewers and the celebrities that need to have their name out there by any means necessary. It is somewhat unfair to persecute one particular group. It is especially insulting to bloggers such as COCOACHiC, Urban-Hoopla and many other websites that have a mission to only produce positive images and messages of Black celebrities. We reach out to Black celebrities directly or through their publicists and most times there is no response or a decline for interview. The important lesson here is to work on a support system to "pull each other up": Black Hollywood can use their influence to work with the talented, independent Black writers, directors, media managers, fashion designers and the like that proposition them, resulting in prosperity for us all and positively shaping our portrayal in media. That's "raise up mentality". Instead of shunning the lesser-known artisans/designers and Black media always in favor of coverage from the more well-known and mainstream – overlooking that more often than not it is the masses of Black audiences and their entertainment dollars that create Black celebrities being put on the map and their eminent success. Unfortunately, her statement indirectly "dragged some people down" by stereotyping all Black bloggers to have gossip or rumor spreading intentions with no recognition or regard for those Black bloggers that are trying to do the right thing.

We invite any celebrity to fact-check our efforts. Have your agency or publicist people at BWR, etc. contact us as we would love to do a positive CelebrityCHiC feature on how you stay looking fly while fierce about your community work with African American sexual assault and breast cancer survivors – that's beauty!

Must-Read Book Why Black Men Love White Women: Going Beyond Sexual Politics to the Heart of the Matter
December 6th 2007

Sistas, before you let this book title set you off, definitely read the synopsis and reviews online or the actual book jacket. Recently surviving highly charged Q&A and comments from listeners in on-air interviews on the Wendy Williams Experience radio show, Author Rajen Persaud staunchly defends the answer in the book title’s latter half: The underlying message is that most often the reason is skin deep due to the impact of Racism, there is no reason to front on the beauty of or love for Black women. He raises poignant perspectives on the controversial subject of interracial relationships between Black men and White women. The apt title lures you in and the content does not disappoint in being a refreshingly candid and enjoyable page-turner because of how skillfully historical and current facts are juxtaposed against anecdotal stories from interviews with Black men. Quite simply, it's real, honest, thought-provoking, balanced and comical. The Black Community cries that there are no contemporary voices of reverence and resolution for where we have been and where we need to go with reconciling the great and deep loathing within our Race. Now, one man has spoken. Let's not shoot the messenger yet instead let's seek to understand and have real talk on action, with, not at each other, letting our anger subside as Black women and men, that we collectively work towards.

I loved this book, as it’s sometimes good to see all aspects of situations on paper. Regardless of what may seem to be a seismic shift in Black men dating “out”, there’s no point in taking it personal that black love is unrequited by some. I shall not be moved and still: Bernie loves Brothers!

COCOACHiC means well and we work hard to share and share alike, as with our Glamour Magazine Panel: Women, Race & Beauty recap. We wanted bloggers, beauty marketing managers and our CHiC Clique members who couldn’t attend to still be plugged in. Thanks to those bloggers that posted our recap on your own websites and to all who e-mailed Glamour about our recap.

To read the Glamour magazine response, visit: http://www.cocoachic.com/glamour/women_race_beauty.php

Glamour magazine will feature a story of the panel in its March 2008 issue.

A quick Google search will turn up many outraged responses to the law article below discussing the details of a GLAMOUR editor's corporate presentation designating afros and dreadlocks as a style "DON'T". The magazine is famous for publishing identity-concealing yet unsuspecting photos of celebs and real people with comments advising its legions of readers to follow a style find labeled as a "DO" or forego a faux pas labeled as a "DON'T". Recognizing the racism in this only restates the obvious, but what really needs reinforcing is the need for women of color to support COCOACHiC, Afrobella, Stereohyped and countless other emerging black-owned and black-beauty-centered media. If we don't OWN our beauty, no one else will respect and nurture it.

It seemed like a nice frothy summer treat for some hardworking gals at a hard-driving law firm. Instead of hosting another earnest discussion about client cultivation and leadership, the women lawyers group at Cleary Gottlieb Steen & Hamilton invited an editor from Glamour magazine. The topic: the dos and don'ts of corporate fashion.

First slide up: an African-American woman sporting an Afro. A real no-no, announced the Glamour editor to the 40 or so lawyers in the room. As for dreadlocks: How truly dreadful! The style maven said it was "shocking" that some people still think it "appropriate" to wear those hairstyles at the office. "No offense," she sniffed, but those "political" hairstyles really have to go.

By the time the lights flicked back on, some Cleary lawyers — particularly the 10 or so African-American women in attendance — were in a state of disbelief. "It was like she was saying you shouldn't go out with your natural hair, and if you do, you're making a political statement," says one African-American associate. "It showed a general cluelessness about black women and their hair."

The episode also produced a "mixed reaction" along racial lines, says this associate. "Some [whites] didn't understand what the big deal was ... but all the black associates saw the controversy."

Bridal Air
August 29th 2007

I excitedly vowed to model makeup artist Staci Richburg's expertly applied airbrush makeup for a "Bride For A Day" feature in World Bride Magazine.

Although self-proclaimed Single & Not Sorry, as a beauty junkie I still can't resist the contemplation of what I would wear on the special day. An amazing gown and flawless makeup must marry or the walk down is off! My aisle style has to be thought through and complete head to toe: skincare, hair, face makeup, undergarments, accessories and shoes. I was all too giddy for the opportunity to wear a dress even if just for fun. Opting out of the traditional beat face, neutral look and a lifeless 'fro, makeup artist Staci Richburg and Natural Stylist Camille played up my natural features beyond my every day look.

An Air of Beauty

Amy Winehouse Rocks Black Sorority Paraphernalia
August 21st 2007

See larger image

In the annual GLAMOUR magazine supplement Fashion Rocks soul songstress Amy Winehouse dons an oversized t-shirt. The tee pays homage to African-American she-ro civil activists Shirley Chisholm, Maya Angelou and sororities Alpha Kappa Alpha, Delta Sigma Theta, Zeta Phi Beta and Sigma Gamma Rho. So many in Black Hollywood likely wouldn't wear a black indie designer label much less actually make a sociopolitical statement — it's nada or Prada. Most definitely a "you-go-girl" shout to Ms. Winehouse for representing that women of color rock and doing so fashionably. Way to wear pride!

"Bush" or Brazilian: Bernie's Tell All On Bare All
July 23th 2007

Do as Diddy instructs in the song Pass the Courvoisier?: "Too much hair on your chocha, shave it off." At first I was offended, then afraid and even petrified. As a Caribbean-born woman, I staunchly believed that the “bush” separated 'de women from de pickney' (Jamaican patois for children). The thought of hair forcefully pulled from my 'pumpum' caused a headache, seemed unnatural on a mature woman, and unnecessarily painful; a bikini wax (instead of a shave because it's smoother, lasts longer and the skin area is left less dark/spotted) and trim were enough maintenance. However, as a devotee of beauty culture and an expert go-to gal that people come to for advice, I decided I had to experience the other aspect of the age-old debate about the aesthetics of female genital hair removal. After a year of Brazilian waxing, I can definitively advise that how you choose to primp your private part (shaving, waxing, even cutting hair shapes or dying) depends on the value and confidence you assign to the following factors:

tolerance for pain during the hair removal process
comfort with your body's “clean” appearance (alternatively, the "bush" is not unclean)
preference of the sexual partner (you may be surprised by what they really think)
cultural beliefs
sensuality/heightened sensitivity

My trusted esthetician Alicja had been waxing my underarms, legs and, in particular, bikini area for three years prior so there was some prep for the sensation as well as comfort with the person seeing me completely revealed, in awkward positions, under bright, white lights (yep, your legs are more twisted and for a longer time than the gynecologist chair stirrups). It wasn't so much the pain or nudity shame I needed to override, but my being visually pleased with myself. Having had repeated services of an entire body wax, I discovered the aesthetic beauty and a new admiration for my body with only a close-cropped natural on my head.

Dare To Go Bare Down There: Get A Brazilian Wax

The Beauty of Fathers
June 13th 2007

In my family, my grandfather was and my father is called 'Bernie' because our family last name is 'Bernard' and we are each dark-burnt-skinned. My immediate family members, especially my father, call me 'Bernie' particularly because I look so much like he and my grandfather – it's our special name thing. My grandfather died while I was a junior in high school and it was one of the most painful experiences I have endured to date. Although I gave a eulogy at his funeral, I was very upset and withdrawn from everyone. I found solace in writing. I decided to come up with a pen name. Since I am female, I decided to call myself 'T. Bernie' to pay tribute to him, both of these men, but still putting my own unique spin on things with 'T.' representing my given, formal first name. All my creative stories, features, editorials and poems appear with the byline 'T. Bernie'. As COCOACHiC is the by-product of my life experiences and dream to impact the beauty industry, it's only befitting that my name on the business is a credit to two men that always made me feel beautiful even when the world didn't. It's funny, in the Caribbean there's a saying, "girls who look like their fathers are lucky and spoiled."

Three Generations of 'Bernie' — My Grandfather, Father & Moi

The Beauty of Brothers
June 13th 2007

A series of random acts of kindness put me in a positive mental space in preparation for our men's issue. Fact, 'black love' unions aren't being cultivated. In this moment, I won't fixate on the problem or the answers. I just want to take a moment to reflect kindly on and thank former lovers, male friends and fraternity brothers for all the times a sista has been treated right: To brothers that aren't fast-talkers, that don't wordsmith, that say and do what they mean; to the warriors intuitive and man enough in their earnest desire to inspire and be a prism of light; it's good to see two of the C's of blackness, character and consciousness, a genuine interest in welfare, even when the love is long past. When brothers come correct with care, concern, chivalry and consistency, I can't help but feel beautiful, and moved to reciprocate.

My Funny Valentine — Skin Service with Sincerity
May 30th 2007

Its months later, but I'm still swooning. I ventured to Queens clad in my pink plaid Burberry weather boots during the Valentine's Day 2007 snowstorm — yes, the one that caused flight mayhem for many traveling to All Star Weekend in Las Vegas and the awful Jet Blue delays. I trekked through snow and an unfamiliar subway route with surprisingly little apprehension to trust my skin to someone new, Rukiya Jeffers, esthetician and owner of Abebi Beauty Boutique & Spa in Long Island City, Queens. I exited the service a few hours later with a revitalized face and a calmer spirit. More than three months later, that little facial refresh paired with renewed commitment to sticking to a regimen helped me to be skin-ready for a recent momentous event. Love day isn't just about romance — it can be the delight in an off the beaten path discovery of a newfound skin saver, service with sincerity and a sistafriend.

Skin Concerned turned Skin Care Pro

Great Head by Hamadi
April 2nd 2007

Can natural hair be made more beautiful, lustrous and textured? Yes, thanks to Hamadi Beauty organic hair products my teenie weenie afro is super natural. Pure ingredients of subtle, earthy, aromatic fragrances available in the Ginger Soy, Honey and Lemon luxe shampoo wash along with conditioner, mask, cream, pomade and treatment formulas create sophisticated kink perfection. With my fresh-scented, shiny, easy to primp and suave-styled crown, I am my hair!

Got Hair? Get Hamadi — organic hair care

Do Football and Grace Go Together?
February 4th 2007

Yes, all the way, to the top with class! Both Lovie Smith, coach of the Chicago Bears, and especially Tony Dungy, coach of the winning Indiana Colts, during Super Bowl XLI were the ultimate players exhibiting that character and religious fortitude makes a real man (clothes just frame him). They skillfully showed true champion moves — sportsmanship, camaraderie and grace under fire — with admirable and impeccable finesse in rugged terrain. These are the elements of style young men should be "groomed" with and the type of "fashion" the media should headline and iconize of people of color.

COCOAHOMME ~ Men of Color with Distinguished Grooming & Style

Skin-sational at 30 — renew to look better than 20
January 29th 2007

Melanin-blessed, women of color in general have resilient skin. If there is one product I deem remotely akin to the fountain of youth that anyone can and should use, it's ingestible (certain fruits, veggies and nuts) and topical anti-oxidants. Yes, while some products may be bogus, the hoopla about protecting skin from today's toxins and pollutants is the truth! I am so hyped I just had to share this find: Idebenol (pronounced e-deb-in-all) has been fantastic for cellular renewal, lightening dark spots and smoothing the texture of my round, brown face, neck, décolletage and hands. I'm not getting any younger, but embracing my God-given features and flaws and taking care of myself with products that work certainly ensures I'm getting fiercer.

Single & Not Sorry
January 29th 2007

As Love Day 2007 approaches, it is yet another Funny Valentine's for me as well as many other progressive women of color. Of course I would like to have a significant other; but I have no worries being without because I value my freedom and the flexibility it allows me to pursue all my passions. Embrace being solo by finding pleasure in alone time — shower by candlelight, a glass of wine with a good book, and not arguing with someone about the expense of a must-have pair of shoes (you hear me!). Not engaging in or recognizing the need to leave a toxic relationship — be it a romantic partner, tyrannical boss, envious friend — is a testament of security and self-love. Contently single and far from sorry is sexy.